The father/father/daughter dance was the pivotal moment that defined our open adoption for all to witness.
What is Open Adoption?
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Open adoption is defined as establishing a relationship between the adoptive and birth parents and informing the children of their background and story. At its most basic, open adoption arrangements include an agreement before the baby is born, followed up with occasional communication. The idea is to have full knowledge of the adopted child’s background and history. Closed adoption is when there is no contact between the birth and adoptive parents and is often orchestrated through an adoption agency that maintains the private records. The child grows up not knowing her history, her story, or how her parents met.
Three Reasons Why Open Adoption Works
Choice
The adoptive parents and the birth parents each have a choice to move forward with each other. In order for the adoption to be truly open, both parties must agree to choose each other and make the best decisions for the child together. There are many birth parents who fear that if they place their baby for adoption, they will never see their baby after it’s born. Open adoption can eliminate fears for both parties. When both birth and adoptive parents are committed to one another, there is less chance of anyone feeling hurt or shut out.
Trust
Once trust is established between the birth family and the adoptive family, their commitment to one another becomes impermeable. They trust each other enough to know no one will change their mind. The baby’s future has been decided, and both parties support the decision. You must trust each other enough to make a lifelong commitment to one another. For adoptees, too, the benefits are tremendous. They know the story of how they came to be adopted. There is no need for them to spend countless hours wondering who their birth parents are, how they met, and why they were placed for adoption.
Love
Love for one another evolves from this trusted space. Its indescribable power blooms and grows through these relationships. Families depend on each other’s commitment to the adopted child, and therefore, everyone can move forward in their own lives while sharing stories. Another essential piece is that the birth families know they are not saying goodbye to their babies. They know they will enjoy a relationship with their children, confirming to the children that they are supported and loved by both families.
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One yes at a time is...
a mindset offered to readers struggling with difficult choices. What if you said yes to something outside of your comfort zone? It might not work, but Susan guarantees that something will be unlocked in the process. A simple yes is life-changing. It's liberating and exhilarating. Show up, pay attention, and watch the magic unfold.
A common misconception is...
to make open adoption successful, to build a family through open adoption; you have to arrive already open and accepting. But that’s not how it works. As this story shows, when we say yes to the opportunities and the people in our lives, our hearts are opened, and love is the result.
The hope is...
to have open adoption be a birth mother's viable choice when facing an unplanned pregnancy. The important thing is that choice remains an option for her.
By sharing their story, Susan and Bob hope others choose this incredible path to create a family—where everyone benefits. The birth families know their children and watch them grow up. The adoptive families know their children's history and can share their love with the birth families. Most importantly, the children know how they came to be and that they are surrounded by love.
The word adopt...
appears throughout the book. As Carmen, Olivia’s birthmother, says, “It’s not just about adopting children. It’s about adopting each other and connecting with one another. If we don’t adopt
people in our lives, there will be more isolation and loneliness." In this book, we are all saying yes to
each other.